Toffee And Tayto Awards

The Toffee And Tayto committee discussing who's won what!

Respecting our current (CURRENT?!) financial plight, Toffee And Tayto - in keeping with Club tradition - has decided to cut costs and corners with our first ever Awards.

I had every intention of hiring the Netley beer garden, a fitting venue to host such prestigious awards, but sadly could not locate the ring-fenced money for such an event.  Eventually, we settled on a lane leading to the Royal Oak as a fitting venue for selecting our initial recipients of the soon to be revered Toffee And Tayto awards.

Go and grab that tux, get the drink in and settle back........

Ladies and Gentlemen - Toffee And Tayto, without a sponsor, proudly present our first Annual End of Season Awards.

  Player of the Season

There can be only one winner - ah yes, let's start with a cliché.  At the end of the day, were it not for the safe hands of Nigel Martyn we would now be facing up to the harsh reality of trips to Plymouth Argyle and the joys of plying our trade in the Nationwide First Division.  Honourable mentions to Joseph Yobo and Kevin Kilbane but our player of the season can only be England's number one, Nigel Martyn.....

  Young Player of the Season

There's something weird about not considering the name of that Rooney chap for this prestigious honour.  We tend to forget he is still so young.  We all love seeing a talented kid coming through the ranks and into the first team.  This season, two of our better known youngsters have acquitted themselves ably during loan spells at other clubs.  We can only hope that Nick Chadwick and Leon Osman benefit from their time away.  For his contribution towards saving Derby County from the ignominy of relegation to Division Two and following that with a debut goal against Wolverhampton Wanderers, our Young Player of the Year is Leon Osman (aged 23!). 

Onwards and upwards....

   Goal of the Season

Goodison Park, first home game of the season (against Fulham) and the ground is packed to the rafters.  The home side are playing some free-flowing football, a joy to behold!  Rooney kills a crossfield pass, stone dead, in front of the Main Stand.  He cuts inside and finds Gary Naysmith.  Naysmith combines beautifully with Mark Pembridge (not a sight for sore eyes that perhaps!) and charging through is our friend, the Rhino.  Pembridge threads a perfectly weighted ball for Unsworth to smash home.  A superb move and a class finish.  Oh how we thought back then that we'd see much more of this!

  Fans of the Season 

I feel duty-bound to name them as the Everton fans of the season as they have left the biggest impression on our sorry season.  Yes, stand up and take a bow all those who sing racist bile against black players and any other "ethnics". 

They bring nothing but shame on us all.  It warms the heart to be in the midst of such an august bunch of Evertonians as they sing their hearts out with gusto.  Not. 

The ignorance of championing "Yobo!  Yobo!" and following it with "Shoot That Nigger".........well, words fail me.

  Best 45 Minutes of the Season 

No contest!  Following a woeful first half against champions Manchester United, Everton emerged for the second half 0-3 down.  Game over.  Humiliation complete.  What followed restored some of our misguided faith, as Everton re-wrote the script and almost (as is our way!) pulled off the shock comeback of the season. 

Goodison Park rocked as the champions wilted on the ropes like a drunk down and out.  Unfortunately, that drunk aimed one last punch and we ourselves were floored.  Gutted but proud.

  Worst 45 Minutes of the Season 

Spoilt for choice but allowing personal bias to enter the equation I'll opt for the second half at Bolton Wanderers.  The first half was an honourable runner-up!  It was my son Eoin's first ever away game.  I woke the poor divil from his sleep at 4am that morning, kitted him out in his Everton gear, drove to Dublin airport and over to Manchester - train then bringing us to Bolton on a wet and windy day.  To subject my child to such an appalling lacklustre effort by a collection of charlatans in Everton colours was bordering on child abuse.  You do your best, as a parent, but when overpaid millionaires can't be arsed to earn their wages.....well, it ain't easy telling the kid that his heroes are nothing more than false idols.

  Best Earner of the Season 

Though he must be gutted with the departure of his long time rival Niclas Alexandersson, for this coveted award, we have no hesitation is championing - yet again - the glorious Duncan Ferguson. 

His achievement in annually conning the Everton PAYING public that he actually gives a shit about playing this beautiful game earns my admiration.  Enjoy your hols this summer Duncan - you've earned them...

  Best Photograph of the Season 

Taken from the Club's official magazine, The Evertonian, a picture of celebrating Evertonian schoolkids, playing a charity friendly against their Liverpool counterparts. 

Recalling a famous Barry Davies phrase........"just look at her face!"  Mock thy neighbour?!

   Our Best Friend of the Season

We thank ex-Leeds United (remember them?) chairman, Peter Ridsdale, for his outstanding contribution and overall service to the game, ensuring we remain - just about - in the Premiership for at least another year.

From the bottom of our hearts, thanks once again Peter!

  Business Deal of the Season 

Easy one this! 

Houston Securities Ltd., a "company controlled by the Gregg family". 

They were paid, by Everton FC, the princely sum of £664,000 - professional fees written off in relation to the King's Waterfront project. 

Nice business if you can get it.

  Misnomer of the Season 

The term "TRUE BLUE" - as in TRUE BLUE Holdings.  What does TRUE BLUE really mean, eh?

And finally...

  Best Toilet Cubicle of the Season 

Let me stress, right now, that this wonderful image was captured, for posterity, by my wife. 

No, it's not inside the HM Hornby "Hilton" - it's the Netley. 

Red tiles in an Everton pub?! 

Methinks a lick (yeukk!) of Royal Blue paint urgently required...

Thank you for listening!  Hope you enjoyed the Awards.  We're now off to party the night away with the winners!