Ex-Pats
Do Battle!
Regulars
of the ToffeeNet
mailing list
will be oh too
familiar with
the world
according to
Kenny
Myers.
He remains the
all-time
leading
goalscorer for
Everton
IFC
despite living
in an
alcoholic haze
over in Long
Beach,
California.
As far as we
know he is the
only known
Evertonian
anywhere in
the world who
can say they
have their own
Rupert's Tower
in their back
yard...
In
his own
inimitable
fashion,
here's his
recollection
of the day he
faced Richard
Gough on the
battlefield!
It's a
crackin'
read...
Some
Scottish
geezer gets
introduced to
Kenny...
We
had our Annual
England versus
Scotland match
recently, on
December 28th,
2003.
It is held on
or around this
date every
year.
We've had all
sorts of
former players
from back home
over the years
but up until
now never an
ex-Everton
player.
So it was with
great
anticipation
that I looked
forward to
Sunday.
I knew I
wouldn't get
that much
playing time
due to my
advanced years
(it's billed
as an Over
35's game, and
every year
there are
ringers which
doesn't help
the average
age), but even
at 47 I would
only be giving
up 5 or 6
years to
Richard Gough.
Gough showed
up about 30
minutes before
kick
off.
With him
carrying no
kit bag I
thought he
might have
pulled out of
the game and
was just
showing up to
watch.
However, a few
minutes later
he'd found a
pair of boots
and shin pads,
his Scottish
kit was laid
out in front
of him and he
was good to go
in
no time.
He has stayed
in excellent
condition
since leaving
Everton.
I think I read
somewhere that
he was a
teetotaller
but I suppose
that could be
verified by
anybody who
went back for
a drink after
the
game.
I'd have gone
but I'm banned
from the place
in question
(just add that
to my list of
countries,
casinos, and
cities where I
am persona non
gratis).
Goughie
started as one
of the middle
two in a back
four. He
was calm and
collected
throughout the
entire
game. He
played the
entire 90
minutes and I
can only
recall him
being beaten
one time, and
that was not
in a very
dangerous
position.
Every move he
made, whether
it was
challenging
for a
header,
getting stuck
into a tackle,
intercepting a
through ball,
or making a
pass, was with
elegance and
style.
He ran
effortlessly
almost seeming
to glide
across the
field.
The fact that
his partner in
the middle was
brilliant
himself
probably made
Richard's day
a little
easier, but
his class was
obvious.
Quite a few of
the Scottish
contingent are
mad Rangers
fans so their
joy in being
able to play
alongside the
man would be
self
evident.
However,
surprisingly
what not
everybody knew
was that he
had finished
his British
career at
Goodison, so
there was one
member of the
England team
who was
itching to get
in and play
against
him.
Unfortunately
for me the
management
team saw fit
to leave me on
the bench
until there
was barely 10
minutes to go
in the first
half. I
suppose their
reasoning must
have been that
our current
two strikers
were having
such a good
game against
Gough and his
cohort.
Not.
So anyway, I
finally get
the nod and on
I sprint
(those of you
who have seen
me play have a
fairly good
idea of the
pace I possess
and can
imagine the
amount of time
it took me to
reach my
position.
I think there
might have
been about 5
minutes left
when I finally
made
it). I
had made a
plan to go
straight up to
Goughie and
stick my
Everton
tattooed upper
left arm right
in his face
and give it
loads, a la
Duncan
Ferguson to
the Street End
after a
terrific
goal. So
I get right up
next to him
and just about
the time I go
to pull my
sleeve up, he
moves
(probably
scared
shitless and
wondering why
this idiot is
running
straight at
him when the
ball is out of
play and
nothing is
happening).
Instead of
showing him my
left arm, he
is somehow
struck right
under the chin
by my right
shoulder.
I didn't half
catch him. He
goes,
"Fucking
hell mate,
you've just
come on what
have I done to
ya?". I
mumble an
apology and
mutter
something
about an
Everton
tattoo, but by
then the ball
is in play and
off we
go. He
did catch on
to the fact
that I was a
scouser though
and must have
worked out I
was an
Evertonian.
During the
time I was on
I think we
might have
gone for the
same ball only
the couple of
times, I was
in front of
him both times
and was able
to control and
lay the ball
off.
"Nice
touch big
man" was
one comment,
"Well
played
mate" was
another.
He's deffo got
an eye for
talent is all
I can say
(ahem).
Richard Gough
was class
throughout the
entire game.
He was
constantly
involved in
banter with
just about any
player he was
up against. He
probably
didn't deserve
my abusive
shouts once
back on the
sideline. He
put a pass
astray one
time and
received a
loud,
"That's
why we got rid
of ya!!".
I wish I would
have got more
playing time
against him,
but the
decision was
not mine.
There was one
time in the
first half
when Scotland
got a corner
and I'm
watching Gough
standing miles
away from the
danger zone,
but was in on
goal when the
cross came
in. I
said at the
time that he
was left
unmarked and
mentioned it
at halftime
that somebody
needed to pick
him up. Fell
on deaf ears
obviously.
Corner kick
second
half.
Gough is
standing a
good 35 yards
out seemingly
as the kick is
about to be
taken.
And yet when
the cross
arrives he is
about 10 yards
out and puts a
bullet of a
header into
our net.
Turned out to
be decisive in
a 3-2 Scotland
win.
I spoke to and
had photos
taken with the
man after the
game. He
actually found
me and started
the
conversation
during the end
of game
handshakes
instead of me
having to go
and hound him,
which I
thought was
pretty
classy.
He lives over
here now in
Carlsbad, a
nice little
beach city
just north of
San
Diego. I
told him that
I thought he'd
left us a bit
too soon, but
he said the
Premiership
was just too
much for him
and it was
time. He
was probably
right coz he
had taken a
few knocks in
that last
season.
My Evertonian
mate, Andy,
who lives not
far from the
field and the
social club
where the
afters were
being held,
invited
Richard back
to his house
to take a
shower after
the
game.
Brown nosing,
kiss arse that
he is.
Rod Stewart
was a
no-show.
He has played
against us in
the past (well
past it now
obviously) but
he probably
felt upstaged
by the
presence of
our Richard
Gough.
I'm sure I saw
Rod's white
Rolls Royce
drive slowly
by as the game
was going on.
To show you
how much
playing in
this game
meant to me I
only had the
one bottle of
wine the night
before.
Amazingly
true! In
fact I didn't
even finish it
as it tipped
over and
rolled down
the steps in
the cinema I
had smuggled
it into to
watch
"The Last
Samurai".
The noise of a
wine bottle
bouncing step
after step in
a quiet cinema
isn't half
embarrassing,
so I made sure
I gave the
fella behind
me several
dirty looks to
make it look
like he did
it.
If you've seen
the above
movie you'll
understand the
significance
when I say
that I can
claim that I
got the scalp
of one of the
two former
Scotland
International
centre backs
that I have
played
against.
Richard Gough
won his battle
like a true
Evertonian,
but like a
true Redshite,
Ron Yeats
didn't.
Sorry to be
tooting me own
horn but I'm
dead proud of
that.
Kenny
How
Kenny built
his own
Rupert's Tower
